Wish I'd Said It

Weeds are flowers too - once you get to know them.

- A. A. Milne

Monday, April 30, 2007

A Confession

To the surprise of a few of you (perhaps) I'm something of an armchair jock.

"But Frank," you protest, "you are classy and erudite. I've seen you lower your head when picking your nose in a restaurant. And when your eyebrows needs smoothing, you barely lick your fingers first!"

Yes, it's true. It's kinda like leading a double life. By day, I am a suave sophisticate. By night, I holler at my tv, spraying bits of popcorn, gesticulating with the remote-wielding hand while the other is jammed into the waistband of my pants. (Don't ask what it's doing there. It's a sports-guy thing and you wouldn't understand. But it has nothing to do with feelings of inadequacy. Really.)

This time of year, May-June, and then again in October, is nuts for this particular AJ. Baseball is well under way and basketball and hockey are into their playoffs. There's something, usually an important something, and often several important somethings, on tv every single night from about 7pm - 2am. It'll get a little less hectic as the playoffs wind down and fewer teams are left to compete for their championships (and my time).

In the summer, there's only baseball, maybe a smidge of soccer and a cursory peek or two at Canadian football. But come October, the baseball playoffs are on while hockey and basketball begin their seasons anew.

I'm not much of an NFL fan, so I check on my sons' wellbeing on Sunday afternoons from November through April.

Unless, of course, it's a good day for fishing.


Crabby McSlacker said...

I feel so incredibly lucky not to be much of a sports fan. I'll watch football if my home team is doing well (go 49ers!) but they mostly haven't been in the last couple decades. Baseball seems designed to be boring, so I'll only watch that if the Giants have made their way to the playoffs--again, a rare occurance.

I have so much trouble getting done in a day what others can accomplish in an hour or two, I'd never even manage to eat or visit the bathroom if I were a sports fan. I'm still trying to get to backed up Daily Shows waiting on my DVR.

Very funny post, by the way. You'll have to give more "suave" lessons. Who knew you were supposed to duck your head when you pick your nose in a restaurant?

Frank Baron said...

Crabby, your assessment of my post assures me you are as perceptive as you are wise. ;)

Baseball is a game of nuanced strategy, punctuated by flashes of power, speed and grace. It takes a while to get the hang of but if you ever do - you'll find the same beauty found in poetry.

Kappa no He said...

That was hilarious. I was totally convinced you were nothing but one hundred percent classy. I just can't even imagine the hand in the waist band, ha ha.

My last big sport addiction was sumo. I kept detailed notebooks even. But then I ran out of time somewhere along the line and all the players I rooted for retired and opened restaraunts...and I just never jumped back into watching.

Frank Baron said...

I guess opening a restaurant would be a natural for a sumo. But what is their average lifespan? All that weight can't be healthy. And do they usually slim down somewhat when their career is over?

Dawn said...

Sheesh! Well, I've certainly learned something about sophistication today. So that's why the people in the restaurant were staring at me!

Frank Baron said...

Stick around Dawn. You never know what you might learn here. ;)

Stace said...

Our TV is broken. Even before it broke we didn't have an aerial. I barely remember the last time I watched TV. I don't miss it. :)

Frank Baron said...

Stace, you poor dear! To be deprived and not even know it!!? How horrible!


Frank Baron said...

I'm away for a couple of days folks, so if anyone comments and you don't get a timely response - that's why.

Anonymous said...

Yes, that surprises me. Is that enough to make you feel satisfied, happy about your life ? (if I may be so free to ask)
Have a good time being wherever you're going !

Anonymous said...

Is there a bad day for fishing?

As a matter of etiquette in a restaurant, which end of the fork should one scratch an eye-brow with? It has always perplexed me.

Frank Baron said...

Hildegarde, being a sports fan is only a part of who I am but yes, it brings me pleasure (at times) and pain (at times) - like most anything someone cares about.

Aidan, you're right. There's no such thing as a bad fishing day.

And, as to the fork thing, it depends on the severity of the itch. Some may be mollified by the blunt end. Other itches call for the tines. It's a judgement call. Trust your intincts.

Do not fear the fork.

Henri de Montmorency said...

I'm not much into sports frankly unless you count women sports. If that's the case, ohhh la la, I am so there.

Frank Baron said...

Henri, if coerced, I've been known cast a glace or two at women's beach volleyball games.

Only during the Olympics, of course.