Wish I'd Said It

Weeds are flowers too - once you get to know them.

- A. A. Milne

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Stripping (#221)

There’s this new television ad about Crest teeth-whitening strips. (What did you think I meant?) Maybe you’ve seen it. The thrust of the ad is that you can wear these strips and still do things. It features some pretty young women doing things. It kind of reminded me of those old tampon ads that assured women they could remain active while wearing them –- although apparently that activity was limited to running in slow motion through a field of daisies. 

What the pretty girls are mostly doing in the whitening-strip ad are laughing and tilting their heads in an attractive manner. I think they’re walking in one shot and sitting at a table in another.

The voice-over extols the benefits of doing things while wearing an invisible whitening strip on your teeth. There’s a close-up of one of the pretty girls, presumably the strip-wearer, smiling a pretty smile. Her teeth gleam. There’s no sign of a whitening strip. It really MUST be invisible!

Near the end of the ad, you could tell the voice-over guy was getting excited. He was headed for a climactic statement – the clincher that would tip the balance for an uncertain viewer: While wearing them “you can even,” he exclaimed, “drink water!”

Holy Cow!

What an incredible, slap-the-forehead moment! Let’s assess what we’ve learned so far:

We have the freedom to “do things” when we use these Crest whitening strips. It appears the things we can do are, in no particular order: sit, stand, smile, walk and tilt our heads.

And we can “even” (I love that they used that word!) ingest the most benign substance on the planet!

Wow.

Now, I may not be the sharpest lure in the tackle box, but “even” I can do the math here: If you use these whitening strips and put anything in your mouth except water – your head may very well explode.

Ok, maybe not explode - but I bet something bad would happen.

Ever seen those nifty videos of folks putting Mentos mints in bottles of cola and turning them into mini volcanoes?

I wonder if something like that might happen if the strip-wearer drank some Coke instead of water? Now, if Crest ran a whitening-strip ad that featured a bunch of folks spouting mini, mouth volcanoes while en route to brighter teeth, it might tempt me to try them.

But I’m no darn good at sitting, looking pretty and sipping water. (However, one out of three ain’t bad.)

As the kids today might say (and I pride myself on being pretty darn hep to the jive) this ad is an epic fail.

24 comments:

Althea said...

Frank...which one of the three? :)

Charlie said...

LOLOL! I'm picturing Mentos suds spewing out the ears of the gals in those ads....

Althea, I vote that Frank can do #2.

No, not *that* #2. ;)

bobbie said...

Great post! So many, many ads do love that word - "even"!

Hilary said...

Very funny. I can't say that I've seen this ad but I've sure seen you plenty and Charlie is right, pretty boy. ;)

You made me laugh.. again. Thanks for that. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Frank! (and hi Charlie) :)

Speaking of a field of daisies...a few years back my daughter and her friends (at about age 4) were discussing how people get married and my daughter said that "you are picking flowers in a field and a boy runs up to you and asks you." This was relayed to me by her teacher who then asked if my daughter had seen any tampon commercials.

Lisa

Frank Baron said...

Well, Althea, I'm kind of surprised you needed to ask. I can sit with the best of 'em. In fact, Hilary is allatime saying how I'm full of sit. :)

Charlie, you devil. Wanna go out? Sue might get a little ticked.... ;)

Thanks bobbie. :)

Hil, you silver-tongued devil. You're welcome and thank you. :)

Lisa, that's a hoot! Out of the mouths of babes.... :)

Leah J. Utas said...

Oh, hey drink water! Yay! I haven't seen this ad, but I think you're right about what it doesn't say.

Grayquill said...

Not the sharpest lure in the tackle box????? My favorite line I have read in over a week. You had me laughing all the way through.
I hope you have had the opportunity to wet a line this week.

Dianne said...

Have you seen the anti-tampon tampon ad? I think you'd love it

it shows a woman mocking all the things a "normal" tampon ad would have her doing

gotta love ad people, even when they mock themselves they make money

I'm off to pop in a Crest whitening strip, shake a can of Coke and have a Mentos

If you don't hear from me well ...

Skunkfeathers said...

Hmmm...I suppose you could try puttin' one of those whitening strips on a lure, and cast it before the trout, extolling the virtues of a pearly white smile down 'round the fishin' hole...next thing you know, you have big smiling female trout, running thru fields of daisies, looking....danged silly.

Scratch the idea, Frank.

Pauline said...

A little salt and baking soda will have you smiling whitely without volcanic ash spoiling your makeup. Don't wear makeup? You haven't watched enough TV ads!

Chicago Mary said...

Ah, yes, the field of daisies . . .

Frank Baron said...

Leah, you'll probably catch it if you watch much tv at all. I've seen it about five times in the last couple of weeks.

Thanks, GQ. I'm afraid I didn't get a line wet this week. Hopefully soon though.

Ha Dianne! Good one. Nope, haven't seen the anti-tampon ad. Maybe I can find it on YouTube.

Yeah Skunky. Interesting visual though. ;)

Pauline, my mother favoured baking soda for brushing her teeth. Don't recall if she added salt though. And, I suspect I can watch a gazillion tv ads and still not be tempted to wear makeup. ;)

Hiya Mary. Long time no see. Hope you and yours are well. Thanks for the visit. :)

Bhaswati said...

Hey Frank, just wanted to say hello after a longish absence. Good to see you're still around on the blogsphere. :)

Frank Baron said...

Hiya Bhaswati. Nice to see you. Hope we trip over each other more often. :)

Tammie Lee said...

thanks for the chuckle~

Frank Baron said...

My pleasure, Tammie Lee. :)

Country Girl said...

Damn. And I was here practicing my smiling and head tilting so I could buy a pack of these suckers.

April said...

I enjoyed your take on this ad. I've seen it, but hardly ever listen to ads anymore. Some of them are actually quite funny in MUTE mode.

Frank Baron said...

Country Girl, with a smile like that, you don't need any whitening strips. :) Thanks for the visit.

Glad you enjoyed, April. Thanks for taking the time to let me know. :)

Jenna said...

Loved this, Frank. My mom's right... I will never be as funny as Frank Baron.

(I want that on my tombstone. Jenna Glatzer: A nice lady, but not as funny as Frank Baron.)

Barbara Martin said...

If you knew how toxic the stuff was you'd never use it (triclosan). This is mentioned in the book I reviewed awhile back: Slow Death by Rubber Duck.

But the post was great, Frank.

Frank Baron said...

Haggis, as always, I will take your sage advice to heart. I've learned never to argue with red-eyed, works-packing chihuahuas. ;)

Jenna, don't tell your mom this (or Sarina) but...Moms aren't always right. ;)

(And you're gonna need three tombstones just for all your publishing credits.) :)

Frank Baron said...

Hiya Barbara. Sorry I missed you earlier. My email notification was wonked. Thanks for the visit and kind words. :)