Wish I'd Said It

Weeds are flowers too - once you get to know them.

- A. A. Milne

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Of Dogs & Men (And Cats & Women)

Let’s take a break from tilting at corporate windmills and allow me to share a new, fascinating insight with you folks.

For about a year and a half now, I’ve been spending a few hours a day in Benny’s company. (For newcomers, Benny is a dog, a Jack Russell Terrier.)

I’ve never spent that much time with a dog before. Though I loved the late, much-lamented Gryphon -- the hunka-hunka-burnin’-love Rottweiler -- we didn’t get to spend a lot of time together. For most of his life I was working six or seven days a week. Usually one of the boys walked him and we probably only spent an hour or two a week, one-on-one.

I was more used to spending time with cats. Except for the last few years, I’ve had one or two around for most of my life. While home, there was nearly always one near, sleeping on my lap, rubbing against my ankle, or, in the case of Jean-Claude Kitty, gnawing on my wrist while trying to disembowel my arm. (He had anger issues. Plus he was insane - a challenging combo.)

Now, anybody who spends much time with anything is going to improve his understanding of it. Just stands to reason. So, you can imagine that a highly trained, keenly observant, Professional Writer-type person doing so, would overflow with knowledge in no time.

And thus it has been. From studying Ben, and observing the behaviour of the many other dogs we come into contact with on our walks - I have learned a great deal about canines, including one Stunning Truth:

They’re just like guys.

There’s a corollary to this Stunning Truth too:

Women are just like cats.

It’s true.

Like guys, dogs are without guile. If they see something they want, like a trespassing squirrel or a piece of cheese, they try to get it. If they can’t get it, they’ll bark and/or whine for someone to get it for them. They will stare fixedly at the object of their desire. There is no mistaking their intent.

Like when guys see a Corvette convertible or a Kate Winslet look-a-like.

Whatever it is cats have on their minds, they will stare at you, meow, and expect you to figure out what they want. Like women, the hints they drop are obscure.

Let’s say a woman isn’t feeling tip-top. She’ll emit a small sigh, fully expecting a guy to notice and follow up on it - even if a game’s on. Similarly, an indisposed kitty will slip quietly into a closet when no one’s around and barf into a shoe. A dog however, will barf wherever he happens to be when the barfy feeling comes and a guy will make sure that everyone within bellowing range knows he’s coming down with something.

Like guys, dogs are fascinated with their own, and others’ naughty bits. They just use different organs to express this fascination - mostly.

It’s perfectly fine for dogs to shove their noses into another dog’s crotch. Men probably enjoyed doing that with women too, way back when. But we gradually became more civilized when women started whacking us on the nose with a rolled-up stone tablet. Naturally, this led to a loss of sense of smell and we were forced to content ourselves with ogling.

Now, consider the concept of guilt. When a dog does something wrong, one glance at his face is all it takes to know there’s a shredded hat somewhere. Likewise, women can look at a man and somehow ascertain that he’s had four beers, half a pizza and a bag of Cheezits when supper’s right around the corner.

Cats and women don’t have a guilty look because they never do anything wrong.

Of course there are some, few similarities between the sexes and between canines and felines. For instance, we all love being petted. But even within this shared sphere of interest, there are stark differences.

Rub a dog’s (or a guy’s) head and then his flank in quick succession and before you can say, “Spot’s your uncle,” he’ll be on his back, offering his belly for some of that action.

Just try to go for a cat’s, or a you-know-who’s belly, without 15 minutes of stroking neck, head, ears and back.

They’ll pull a Jean-Claude Kitty on you in half a heartbeat.

25 comments:

Eternal Free Spirit said...

Newcomer here!! I'm sitting at work reading this on some down time and this just made me laugh out loud. Those similiarities are so true!! I myself admit it. And thanks for admitting girls never do anything wrong ^_^

Guys will do whatever is on their minds and whatever they feel like. Girls aren't quite so 'open'.

I got one more similarity for you: dogs aren't too picky about where they sleep, wherever they happen to be when they're tired is where they'll lay down. A cat, meanwhile, will go off and find the 'perfect place' to sleep-this will generally be on freshly cleaned laundry that you don't want to get dirty or have cat hair on it. (Lived with cats all my life).

One thing against your observations though: dogs are the social creatures where cats are usually solitary...most women are anything but solitary though you hae the occasional exception.

Travis Erwin said...

You make some great observations with this post.

Also thank you for your brick donation. The support my family and I have received has been phenomenal and you played a big part in that. I can't imagine how much more stressful the fire ordeal would have been without so many of you on my side.

Barbara Martin said...

Great post, Frank; and thanks for the laugh. The comparisons were pretty close.

Hilary said...

Skitty and Zephyr just sighed heavily and are now staring at me. I think it was;

"I was more used to spending time with cats. Except for the last few years, I’ve had one or two around for most of my life."
I'd watch your shoes if I were you.

However, you made me laugh.
Remind me to tell you how you're related to Spot. ;)

Reb said...

Thanks Frank, I needed a laugh today.

Big Plain V said...

This is the most profound thing I've read in a while. Don't stop, Frank, make this sucker into a book.

SERIOUSLY.

Anonymous said...

Gives deeper meaning to the saying:

It's a dog eat dog world.

Have a nice day.

Lisa A.

Cassandra said...

Jean-Claude Kitty sounds just like a cat I had named Physh. You made me laugh out loud. Thanks!

Stace said...

They say you're either a dog person or a cat person... suddenly I understand why I'm both :)

Frank Baron said...

Well, EFS, you make some good points but female lions are very social - which just goes to show ya' - there's exceptions to every rule. ;)
Thanks for the visit.

Thanks Travis and you're very welcome. One of the main reasons we're on this little blue planet is to help take care of each other. I'm very glad to see your spirit is still strong after weathering such a terrible shock. I admire you.

Thanks Barbara. Glad you enjoyed. :)

Hil, you're absolutely right about Zephyr and Skitty. (Well, at least with Skitty....) I have indeed been blessed to have shared companionship with your cats for a couple of days each week for the last three years. (Well, at least with Skitty....) Glad you found enjoyment in the truth. ;)

Happy to be of service Reb. Thanks for letting me know. :)

Ray, I could maybe stretch it into a magazine article. Hmmmm...or maybe a gift book...with illustrations....Food for thought, my friend. Thanks. :)

Thanks Lisa. :)

No, thank YOU Cassandra. :)

Stace, that'll be $50.00

;)

zappe said...

SERIOUSLY... I agree man.
Thanks for your post and share with us :)
Dog Stairs

Ruth Cooke said...

rofl

Now I know why I prefer cats. (And women... :) )

Thanks for the laugh, Frank.

Nita said...

Frank, I was thinking of some pithy something to post here. But then I got to the end and was laughing too hard to think of anything even semi-intelligent. Great piece,and very funny too.

Dianne said...

Oh this is funny and in many cases so close to true

Jean-Claude Kitty sounds like he may have been related to my guy Siren

Give Ben a hug from me - a big old sloppy hug - he'll love it :)

Frank Baron said...

Thank you zappe. :)

Your laughter is my pleasure Ruth. Thanks for taking the time to let me know.

Thank you Nita. That's darn sweet of you. :)

I'll do that Dianne. Well...maybe not overly big. Or...too-too sloppy. Wouldn't want to embarrass him...I know! I'll shake his paw!! ;)

Kappa no He said...

This is truly inspired.

Hence, I fancy the dog. Hubby fancies the cats. Not sure we've figured each other out yet.

terrie

Eternal Free Spirit said...

Yup you're right about the female lions. And that there are exceptions to every thing =-P

Meredith Teagarden said...

You have proven once again to be a keen observer of that which surrounds you. My husband will agree with and get a great laugh from this post!

Nita said...

Frank, since you give me so much joy reading your blog I've nominated you for the Lemons to Lemonade award. I wonder, does this make me a Jean-Claude Kitty person?

Gene Bach said...

Great post man. What great comparisons. LOL!

Frank Baron said...

Terrie, it's a process. This figuring-stuff-out business can take some time. :)

EFS, I admire a person who agrees with me. Shows intelligence and great judgment. ;)

Hope he does Meredith. Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for letting me know. :)

Nita, it makes you what you've always been - a kind, caring, good-hearted person who is a pleasure to know. :)

Thanks Gene. I appreciate it. :)

Deedee said...

Hahaha! Thank you for the laugh! happy February.

Frank Baron said...

Glad you enjoyed Deedee. Thanks for letting me know.

And a happy February to you too. :)

Ash said...

Hey man was going through an AW thread and came across your blog.

This post gave me some mental chuckles.

I think I'm going to follow this blog :D

Frank Baron said...

Glad you enjoyed Ash. Thanks for letting me know. :)